A Call to Listen
By Kaitlin Costarene
This week, I found myself struggling to listen. It seems so simple, but really, truly listening requires practice and focus. I was distracted and stressed, and I let that hinder my ability to listen to those around me. Let me begin by clarifying that hearing is very different from listening, and that most of us are not listening as much as we might think. Hearing simply means that your ears perceive sound. But listening is a conscious decision. It requires active engagement and concentration for your brain to process meaning. Listening to someone is so much more important than just hearing them.
You know you are not listening to someone when you’re just planning how you will respond while they are talking. This is common during arguments. You’ll be so set on your way being the right way that you fail to absorb the other person’s explanation. You hear their words, but you don’t derive meaning from them because you are so distracted in planning what you’ll say next. This is something to be acutely aware of, especially in regards to being open minded. Before you automatically dismiss someone when your opinions clash, really listening to them, processing their opinion, and then responding accordingly will allow you to be more rational and more accepting, and you might even learn something. Listening, then, is one of the key elements in personal development.
By listening intently, you will develop richer relationships with the people around you. When you’re able to focus solely on them and put everything else on your mind to the side, you will find that you can remember more of what they told you because your mind is not drifting elsewhere. Listening intently is a great way to show someone that they have your full attention. It will make them feel valued and important. You will also be able to empathize with them on a greater level. Developing stronger relationships through listening is very possible and very encouraged. You might also find that focusing on the other person gives you a break from all the heavy thoughts weighing on your mind. Instead of worrying about all you have to do that day or allowing stressful thoughts to occupy your thoughts, listen to other people and learn about them.
One of the most difficult parts of listening is often that it challenges our perceptions and preexisting beliefs. Sometimes, this can make you feel defensive or upset, but again, this is an important part of personal development. While it might be difficult to hear someone express thoughts that are directly oppositional to yours, listening to them will allow you to draw stronger connections between your own ideas and theirs.
Going forward, I need to remind myself about the importance of listening. While sometimes listening is more difficult than others, as it was for me this week, listening to others is beneficial for you individually, but also for the relationship between you and another person. Although it can be a challenge, listening intently is a life skill and a relationship skill that is definitely worth the effort.
