Benefits of a Breakup

By Rachel Reardon

Breakups suck. We all know it. I’ve heard of a lot of relationships ending recently, whether it be due to the pressures of long distance, the struggles of the pandemic, or simply the fact that we college students are all young and don’t really know ourselves. Whatever the reason, if you were in a serious relationship in which you really cared about the other person, the aftermath is going to suck, to put it plainly.

I experienced my own breakup a few months ago. It was a long, drawn out decision, and every part of it hurt me. But I’m not writing this to dwell on the painful recollections of my breakup experience. Even though I know the hardships that a breakup brings, I also learned that a breakup is really the best opportunity for self-growth that I ever have had. When you have stopped constantly mourning the relationship, a necessary step in moving on, you arrive at a fundamental question: What do I do now? I believe that letting go of hope for the relationship and just focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do, both for you and your former partner.

I took the opportunity of my breakup as a chance of renewal. I know how that might sound, but I’m not being insensitive. You have to be as logical as you can be so that your emotions do not cloud your judgment. You may or may not find that person again in life, but in this moment after your breakup, it is a chance for you to improve yourself. You have to patch up the pieces of your broken heart. There is no relying on someone else. And that will make you so much stronger. I, for one, turned to methods of self-care. I started journaling to help myself better grasp the emotions I was feeling. I turned to my Church community and started praying more than I ever had. And I have been much better at eating healthier foods and going to the gym. All of these things have made me realize how much I was missing out on before. I began to thrive on the feeling of loving myself and giving myself the best chances possible to craft my mind and body into what I wanted them to be. I’m not blaming the other person in my relationship for not realizing this before—it’s just a fact of life that when you are in a relationship, you can start to lose yourself. I realized that I was so focused on my relationship that I forgot to take care of myself first. And at the end of the day, you are all you have. You have to be responsible for your own self-improvement, and maybe it is time that you better yourself instead of trying to better the relationship. 

So yes, take some time to cry, watch sad movies, and look at old pictures. But slowly, you should seek out opportunities for reformation and self-reflection. You are going to be okay by yourself. I am not close to being fully healed, but I know I will be. That other person cannot give you the intrinsic self-happiness that you need to be whole. As Gretchen Geraghty, one of my favorite podcasters, always says, a relationship should not be 50-50. It should be two whole people, coming together to create a relationship that is more so 200%. It is only when you are whole on your own that you will be able to be fully you in a relationship. Get to know yourself more and give yourself the time you need to recollect. You got this.