Me Too: Tarana Burke and the Fight to End Sexual Assault
By: Jane Ross
Photo by Parker Ewing
If you don’t know who Tarana Burke is, you should. A bad-ass civil rights activist from The Bronx, New York, Burke has dedicated her life to raising awareness about sexual harassment and violence. Burke, a survivor of sexual assault herself, founded the Me Too movement in 2006. She uses this phrase to reflect the pervasiveness of sexual assault and abuse within our communities. The hashtag #MeToo has amplified Burke’s work across the country since 2017, reflecting a larger cultural shift of survivors speaking out against their abusers.
Speaking at Villanova on March 25, 2019 as part of the Spotlight on Leadership series, Burke discussed her personal experiences an organizer, and addressed the purpose of and misconceptions that follow the Me Too movement. Along with a facilitated question and answer section, Burke also took direct questions from the crowd.
An engaging and dynamic speaker, Burke chronicled her road to becoming the face of a widely followed (and criticized) movement. Centering the Me Too movement around “empowermental empathy,” Burke conducts workshops to help survivors not blame themselves for sexual violence. While there were countless lessons learned from this event, the following points highlight the larger takeaways from Burke’s keynote.
1. What do you need?
If someone confides in you about a sexual assault, it can be difficult to know how to respond. Automatic reactions may tell us to ask for information, urge someone to seek justice, or to tell someone it will be okay. While well-intentioned, Burke tells us that the first (and most important) question you should ask is ‘what do you need?’ Each survivor’s story unique, personal and painful. Thus, each survivor will have different reactions and needs following an assault. In supporting survivors, we must respect when the answer to this question is ‘nothing.’ As friends or peers, we often take this response as an offense. Doing nothing may seem unproductive or counterproductive, but it’s crucial to remember everyone’s journey to healing is unique and personal. We must give everyone space to find their way in that journey. People also return to saying “I’m sorry” when hearing about an assault. Hearing “I’m sorry this happened to you” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this” can be an isolating thing to hear. It reminds survivors that there is a distance between themselves and the person they are choosing to confide in. Staying away from this language is central to helping survivors remember that they are not alone.
2. Forgiveness is Key
When answering a question about the role forgiveness plays in surviving a sexual assault, Burke acknowledged the answer is fiercely personal. It is a survivor’s choice to forgive his or her attacker. Forgiveness to yourself is key in surviving an assault. Many survivors carry self-directed shame and guilt, blaming themselves for their assault. These feelings can often serve as roadblocks in the journey to healing, but are also feelings that can take great amounts of time and energy to address. Reaching out to support systems, free online and in-person resources, and counseling support can help survivors understand and make sense of these feelings.
3. Me Too is not Anti-Man
The media often portrays a story that men will fall ‘victim’ to Me Too, which constructs a polarizing and problematic understanding of this movement. Men are survivors of sexual assault. Women are perpetrators of sexual assault. Non-binary and trans people are survivors of sexual assault. Non-binary and trans people are perpetrators of sexual assault. Sexual violence is a crime that permeates every facet of our communities, regardless of sex, gender, class, race, or sexual orientation. An extensive amount of research, however, has proven that most often, women are victims of assaults. Most often, men are those who perpetrate these assaults. This being true, what does it tell us about issues of patriarchal structures and rape culture within our society? What does it tell us about the roles that men *should* be playing in ending sexual violence? How can we have productive dialogues about ending sexual violence?
4. Consent is Sexy
Burke touched on the fact that many universities (including our own) believe that a two-hour online seminar about consent and sexual violence will combat the alarming rates of sexual assault on college campuses. In reality, we know this isn’t true. Most likely, students speed through these lessons to complete their needed certificate. These online programs aren’t really changing anyone’s perceptions about consent. Young people are growing up in a world that teaches them about gender dynamics and sexual power at an early age. This cultivates deeply-rooted beliefs about sex, which will never be reversed by a two-hour online seminar once you reach college. Consent is often painted as asking countless questions at every juncture of a sexual experience - in sum, extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Consent - especially enthusiastic consent - is about making sure the other person you’re about to get it on with WANTS to be there! This means that person wants to have sex with you and is eager to do so! What’s sexier than that?!
We are all connected to stories and experiences of sexual violence and sexual assault. This means we should all be invested in making sure this violence ends. So what do you do? Reach out for support if you need it. Do some research if you need to. Have a conversation, ask a question, press your friends who don’t think sexual violence is an issue. ASK FOR CONSENT.
