Prioritizing Healthy Friendships

By Isabel Berckemeyer

When it comes to life on a college campus, having strong friendships is incredibly important to our health and wellbeing. 

As students, we are constantly surrounded by people, many of whom we consider to be friends, others acquaintances, and some who we simply do not know. Because of this, it is important to recognize what characterizes healthy and unhealthy friendships. 

This past year, I was taught this lesson by my older sister. I was in a friendship in which I was consistently reaching out, inviting them to get lunch, helping them with all their life crises, and supporting them in all ways I knew how. 

It wasn’t until months in that I decided to stop reaching out and wait for them to reach out first. I did not receive any of the “Hi, how are you” texts that I usually initiated. At first, I experienced a series of emotions. I was in disbelief, and I was confused why they didn’t value our friendship in the way that I did. I was angry at them, and I was sad they didn’t care about me enough to check in.

However, through speaking with family, especially my older sister, I realized I was going through this for a reason. Instead of feeling angry at that friend, I became neutral on the topic. I focused on being independent and reaching out to other people in my life. I invested more time in people that made me happier. At the time, it was nearly impossible for me to see reason through my crowds of emotion. However, in viewing our friendship in a new light, it pushed me to spend my time elsewhere. From this experience, I’ve gained comfort in the fact that sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for one chapter, not the entire novel.

It’s easy to look back on a friendship and realize it was one-sided or not as strong as you originally thought. The difficult part, however, is seeing this while you are in the friendship. Though not an easy task, it is possible to learn how to discontinue the cycle of investing in unhealthy friendships.

The first step is recognizing whether a friendship is or is not adding value to your life. You need friends who ask how you are doing, who put a smile on your face, and who spend quality time with you. These are signs of a healthy friendship. This also means taking note of friends who may not reciprocate support, who always wait for you to reach out first, who belittle you in small ways, and who don’t recognize your emotions. These are signals of an unhealthy friendship. 

You are deserving of good friends who uplift you in small and large ways. You deserve a support system who will reach out to you in all the right moments. You deserve people who want to make you laugh. Most importantly, you deserve to feel loved. Once you realize this, the rest comes easily.