Struggle in the Back-to-School Transition
By Hailey Cernuto
I want to start out by saying that if you’ve experienced any anxiety, greater-than-usual stress, or a bit of depression in the past month, you’re not alone. If these feelings are new or foreign to you, you’re not alone. If you’re still experiencing these feelings, you’re definitely not alone.
As someone who develops routines for all aspects of life, prides herself on her time-management skills, and overall has it “together,” my experience in quarantine was a reset to say the least. I know I am not alone when I say that the transition from campus learning to online school in March was the most stressful week of my life. I, like many of my peers, had less than a week to pack up my life on the quad, move back home two months early, and resume life through a screen. The mere thought of online class nearly made me sick on several occasions. That first Sunday, the day before the start of our new normal, I sat down to do the work I was behind on and was overcome with the most intense feeling of stress I’ve ever experienced. My vision started to blur, my head started pounding, I was struggling to breathe, and I started uncontrollably crying. That was when I had the second panic attack I’ve ever had.
I emailed my professors (who I understand were under similar feelings of stress and anxiety) and candidly disclosed my mental state. I explained to them that I wouldn’t be able to complete the work assigned for the next class. I knew what I needed, which was a couple days to reset and prepare myself for the changes ahead. I took the next two days to sleep, unpack and get settled at home, explored the internet for some workouts, and spent some time with my family. These steps helped me tremendously. I eventually adjusted and finished the semester strong.
As for the transition from summer to now, I was dealing with, and continue to deal with, similar feelings of stress and anxiety. I know I’m not alone in saying that the unknown is absolutely terrifying. I was drowning in irrational thoughts and fears about my academics, my living situation, what my classes would be like, my relationships, and everything else (big and small) you could possibly think of. I would replay the worst-case scenarios (in all areas of my life) over and over without control or ways to stop it. I feared that my anxiety would affect my relationships with the important people in my life. To be perfectly honest, I still struggle to handle and cope with these thoughts. But one thing that did help me was recalling what I did in March to ease the similar feelings. I communicated, reached out, was honest with the people around me, and made sure to do the things I know make me feel good. In the past few weeks I’ve taken these lessons and used them to the best of my ability. Upon moving in, I got unpacked and organized immediately. I’ve confided in my friends about how I’ve been feeling. I’ve reached out to the counseling center here at school. I’ve found places and ways to get some exercise in. And I’ve been reminding myself that it’s okay to not be okay, and that I’m not alone.
