Sexual Assault in College: How to Support Survivors
By: Isabella Scala
College can be the most fun four years of your life. However, it can also be one of the more dangerous times of a young college woman’s life, particularly when involving going out and the like.
The statistics for college women are scary: 20-25% of college women will be raped during their time at college, and 90% of these rapes will go unreported. While these statistics are scary, they are important to remember. The time may come when someone you know, such as one of your close friends, may come to you to tell you that they’ve been assaulted.
This issue is especially important for us in 2018 as it is becoming an era in which women feel they are able to share their experiences with the world, ultimately educating others. So, you may be asking, how do I support a friend during this time? How do I respond to their experiences? Below is some guidance to help support your friend during the time they might need you the most.
Be an active listener.
When your friend is describing what has happened to them, it is important to listen carefully to what they say and to respect their wishes. For example, if they do not wish to go into the details of what has happened to them, don’t pressure them. Instead, let them know that you are listening and that you care by responding to what they have told you. Realize that it may have taken a lot for them to share even a little bit of information with you, so thank them for trusting you with this knowledge. You do not have to be their therapist in this scenario, you simply have to let them know that you care.
Don’t downplay what happened.
When someone is telling you that they have been assaulted, it is important to not say things like, “This person I know had something happen to them that was WAY worse!” Instead, simply let them share their story, and do not supplement it with other examples. Each person deals with their own issues differently, so it is important to not downplay what happened to your friend, as it makes them feel you do not really believe what they are telling you. If a friend is consulting you about being a victim of sexual assault, they probably just want to be listened to. Sexual assault is not a burden one should have to carry alone.
Let them know what resources are available.
Here at Villanova, there are many resources available to victims of sexual assault. The Sexual Assault Resource Coordinator (SARC) Team is a group of Villanova faculty who are able to provide on and off campus resources to victims of sexual assault and sexual violence. They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, to all students. Additionally, the Counseling Center is a great resource to use if the person is seeking one-on-one private therapy, and their meetings remain confidential unless the student requests otherwise.
It is also important to respect the wishes of your friend. If your friend decides that they do not want to report or seek help for the assault, it is important to respect their wishes. If you feel they are in danger, however, it is okay for you to go seek help on their behalf.
Finally, let them know they are not alone.
Let your friend know that they have your full support in this and that you are going to stick by their side no matter what. Ask them what they need from you right now: Do they need you to check-in on them once a week? Do they need help finding resources and someone to talk to? Or, do they just want to be heard? The check-in is crucial, because reaching out to your friend after this happens will remind them that you have their back. Even a simple text the next day to let them know you are always there to talk can make a huge difference.
While sexual assault on college campuses is, unfortunately, a very common occurrence, by talking about this issue more we can change the conversation from supporting people after the fact to changing the entire rape culture of college campuses as a whole. By opening the dialogue in rape culture, more women are able to share their experiences and get a sense of closure from their sharing.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Online Chat Hotline: https://hotline.rainn.org/online/
https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
