You Are Not Behind

By Madeline Wujek

I am the “to-do list” friend. I have two separate planners, a calendar, and heavily used Notes and Reminders apps. My favorite social media is not BeReal or Instagram, but Pinterest. I pride myself on organization. I always knew who I was and where I wanted to go. Some call it ambition, others call it stubbornness. Call it what you want, but my organizational skills have served me well for the past 22 years of my life. My penchant for planning has landed me at an incredible school, in a challenging major, and it has set me up for success in various areas of my life.

I am a second semester senior, and at this moment—much to my discomfort—I have absolutely no plan. If you asked me to imagine what my life will be at this time next year, I could not tell you a single detail. I am currently stuck in the job application hamster wheel and nothing has become clear. I don’t know what kind of work I’ll be doing, what salary to expect, whether I’ll have health insurance, or which coast I’ll be living on. This uncertainty is incredibly uncomfortable for me, and it is only made worse by the number of people who look like they have it all together. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to watch my friends chase their dreams and obtain the opportunities they deserve. I am simply giving myself the grace to feel uncertain and nervous about everything I don’t know and cannot control. 

The picturesque, free-for-all “senior spring” we’ve all grown up anticipating is in some ways a myth. There is a lot of pressure for this to be the best semester yet, and there is the expectation our classes are easier. However, I think we are all struggling. We are all applying for jobs and graduate school programs we think we want. I am a firm believer that no one knows exactly what they’re doing and that no one ever truly will. And, I guarantee you are not as behind as you feel you are compared to your classmates. We are all trying to figure it out while getting through our last semester with each other. That is a lot of pressure no matter how you spin it. Keep working toward your goals, but don’t disparage yourself for not achieving an ideal that doesn’t actually exist.

If you’ve paid even a fraction of attention to any speech at Villanova, you’ll know we are consistently encouraged to “become what we are not yet.” This sentiment holds great value, and it embodies the mission of an academic and professionally oriented setting. Yet, it misses something. There is nothing wrong with planning for the future by using writing lists and outlines or by making backup plans for your backup plans. This kind of planning is the glue that holds the modern world together, and it would be foolish to think we don’t need to think like this. The fact of the matter is that in some ways we do need to think like this. However, in trying to become what we are not yet, we forget to be who we currently are. When I’m 35, I hope to have another degree, a great job, a family that I love, and to be completely candid, a much sturdier bank account. To me, that seems like the culmination of all I’ve worked so hard for in my young life and in turn, it seems like what would make me truly happy.

When I finally have that, though, I won’t be 22 anymore. I will most likely have ten times the responsibility I currently do. I won’t live in a house with my best friends, and I won’t be in an academic setting with all the resources I currently have. Today I am 22 years, 4 months, and 1 week old. In the future, I might have everything I want so desperately today, but I won’t ever be 22 years, 4 months, and 1 week old again. There will always be something lacking, something to chase. Some people find that off-putting, but I like having something to work for. However, that doesn’t mean I should not enjoy the current season of my life for what it is because I will never get the chance to live it again. 

I may sound content with this, but I assure you I am not. I am still learning to love uncertainty simply because it is a hallmark of being 22. I am writing this article largely as a reminder to myself and to whoever else needs it. You are not behind. You are living life exactly as you are meant to, and what you are doing to prepare yourself for the future is enough in and of itself. 

Stop and take a deep breath! Preparation is never a bad thing, but you are not a to-do list or a project that you continuously need to fix. Your life is enough as it is right now, and you are no less accomplished because you’re operating in uncertainty. You are enough as you are, and you deserve to find peace in your day-to-day life even if it isn’t checking off a box on your to-do list. You aren’t behind, you are loved, and you’re doing enough. This semester, go easy on yourself: life gets a lot more fun when you do!