Nothing Is Personal
By Megan Hudson
Throughout our lives, it is inevitable that we face harsh treatment from others. We will be rejected, insulted, put down, and turned away as we grow older and encounter new people. The first thing we often think to do in the face of rejection is to look inwards and ask ourselves different questions: What did I do to deserve this? What could I be doing better? What should I change about myself? What is wrong with me?
The truth, which can seem unbelievable, is that nothing is personal. On the surface, the proposal that direct rejection could be anything besides personal may sound improbable or even impossible. In reality, the way others treat us is always a reflection of themselves. It is impossible to truly understand why others treat us the way they do, and trying desperately to decipher the actions of another person in relation to yourself will only cause deeper trauma, hurt, and questioning. In fact, even the opinions you have about yourself – that you are not enough, for example – are not usually founded in truth. Even the thoughts in our head must not be taken personally; just as others treat us badly when they are hurting, we do the same to ourselves. Accepting and internalizing untrue criticisms, whether they come from others or from ourselves, simply sets us up for needless suffering.
It is time we free ourselves from the needless suffering that is rooted in judgment from others. There is an immense amount of freedom that comes when we decide that we will not take anything personally. We become immune to rejection from other people, and we instead understand this rejection as an outward projection of their own insecurities and battles. While we are meant to fluctuate and change as individuals, our self-worth should not. The treatment we receive from others should never change the perceptions we hold of our own worth. Nothing – not even the deepest-cutting insult or rejection – should reach far enough as to shake our sacred self-worth. When we accept that nothing is personal, we accept that the only person who can determine who we are at the core is ourselves. Accepting that nothing is personal is a sort of super-power. When nothing is personal, nobody can hurt you, nobody can ridicule you, and nobody has the power to tell you who or what you are besides yourself.
In accepting others for who they are, we understand that nothing is truly personal. We also become more empathetic. We can better understand why we are lied to, judged, and rejected, and we can face these hardships through the lens of love and forgiveness. In truth, you are never responsible for the actions of others, and nothing that anyone does is solely because of who you are. We know our own world best. Why believe – on the basis of another person’s actions or words – that they know our world as well as we do? Why believe they truly know what our passions, motives, and intentions are?
We should never place our trust, nor our worth, in the hands of others’ opinions of ourselves. In response to disrespect, ask yourself why that individual may have treated you that way. Perhaps they feel hurt, alone, or scared (something we all feel from time to time). We all act according to our own internal struggles, and seeing and understanding this is endlessly freeing.
The next time you are faced with rejection, walk away with a smile, and remember that nothing is personal.
**If you would like to learn more about the notion of taking nothing personally, I would highly suggest picking up a copy of The Four Agreements, by Don Ruiz. This article was inspired by the four agreements of Toltec wisdom for personal freedom discussed in the book, the second of which being that “nothing is personal.”
