Coexisting with a Roommate in the Same Major as You
By Anonymous
It’s always nice to have friends in the same major as you. You can depend on each other for help, and it can be comforting to know that you aren’t alone when classes are difficult or overwhelming. However, when this friend is a roommate, having the same major isn’t always ideal. In having roomed with someone for a few years who has the same major as me, I have discovered that it can be difficult at times.
Having the exact same schedule and assignments as your roommate can breed a lot of comparison. This can cause the relationship between you and your roommate to feel unhealthy (even if these feelings are one-sided). I often found myself comparing my progress in the completion of assignments or studying to my roommate. I was always stressed that I was not doing enough, taking too long to finish assignments, or not using my time properly when it came to schoolwork. I felt anxious all the time when we had exams coming up, as I would constantly think that if I didn’t start studying at the same time in the same way as my roommate, I automatically would fall behind. Every morning, I would wake up to my alarm thinking I had woken up early enough to begin studying and would see that my roommate was already awake and studying, and I felt like to stay on top of my schoolwork, I had to wake up and be on the exact same schedule as my roommate. If I was studying with my roommate and stopped to take a break, or if I wanted to use my nights and weekends to relax and hang out with friends instead of hit the books, I would feel self-conscious because it seemed like I wasn’t being productive compared to them. Lastly, it was a big struggle finding out that my roommate had gotten the first internship that they applied to while I had to struggle through multiple application and interview processes just to get an offer. I felt really discouraged and continuously thought that I wasn’t good enough.
Needless to say, my mental health was significantly impacted through this. It made me resent my roommate because I was constantly feeling anxious and overwhelmed due to the comparisons I would make between us. It’s important to note that these feelings were never caused intentionally by my roommate, but were a product of the way I viewed myself against them.
This isn’t to say that everyone who lives with someone in the same major experiences these issues, but as someone who already has a lot of anxiety, I have really struggled with this. And if you have had similar experiences, I want you to know that you are not alone. College is hard, and it’s easy to feel like you aren’t doing enough, especially if there is someone you spend so much time with who is on the same path as you. It took a lot of hard work to stop the constant comparisons I was making, but I recognized how detrimental it was to my mental health and my relationship with my roommate. If you are struggling with a similar situation, I would like to offer you some advice on how to healthily coexist with a roommate in the same major as you.
The most important thing to remind yourself is that you are not your roommate and your roommate is not you. We are all individual people with different things going on in our lives, even if our course of study is the same. Just because they do one thing doesn’t mean that you have to do it too. We all have our own goals and plans, so try not to lose sight of yours by focusing too much on theirs.
We all have different work habits and schedules. It’s okay to sleep in, start working or studying later in the day, stay up late to do work, take breaks during the day, or give yourself the night off from schoolwork. You know yourself, and you know what you need when it comes to completing schoolwork. It’s okay if you study in different ways. Just because you feel like you might be doing less than your roommate, it doesn’t mean that you are any less productive or successful than they are. You must give yourself some grace, we all work in different ways at our own pace.
It’s okay to do work or study together with your roommate, but you should also make sure you are spending some of that time apart. Spending too much time together while working on the same things can generate some of those feelings of comparison. You don’t always have to work together just because you are roommates in the same major. It’s normal to spend time apart and to need some space to focus on yourself and your personal progress.
Try not to discuss grades. We all have different expectations and standards for ourselves. You can’t compare your results to their results because a good grade for them might be a bad grade for you and vice versa. Again, we all have individual goals which we cannot measure against anyone else’s.
If you have the option, try to take different sections of the same course or different course requirements so that you have a different schedule than they do. Having a variety of professors and coursework can help prevent unnecessary comparison as you’ll both have separate responsibilities for your classes.
Be proud of yourself and how far you have come. College is a rollercoaster, so never discount the hard work and effort you have put in to be where you are now!
