Mental Health First Aid: Helping a Friend with Depression
By Lindsay Gallagher
CW: discussion of depression, medication, suicide
Hundreds of Villanova students live with a mental illness. As community members and friends, we have the opportunity to help people in crisis if we have the right tools. This is the beginning of my "Mental Health First Aid" series. I've researched what physicians and therapists have said about helping friends with mental health conditions, which I’ve referenced at the end of this article. I’ve also reflected on my own personal experience to offer suggestions for noticing when someone needs help and what to do to help them.
Someone may be struggling with depression if they stop accepting invitations to hang out or start spending a lot of time alone, begin getting tired easily, lose interest in things they used to love, make jokes about wanting to die or hating their life, seem angry all the time, start sleeping too much or not at all, stop texting you back, or use alcohol or drugs more frequently or more excessively.
If you notice that someone you know is exhibiting some of these warning signs, it might be time to ask other people if they are also noticing these things and then reach out. When offering help, it’s most helpful to ask “I” statements with open-ended questions -- “I’ve noticed that you’ve been drinking a lot more lately. What’s bothering you?” or “I’ve heard you make a lot of jokes about wanting to die. How has your mood been lately?” This type of direct question is more difficult to ignore or brush off (compared to saying something like “are you okay?”, to which someone can reply “fine” or “I’m just tired”), so you have a better chance of the person choosing to open up to you and let you support them.
Some things that are helpful to say when someone confides that they are experiencing symptoms of depression are: “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” “I am here for you, what can I do to help?” Suggest reaching out to the Counseling Center or their doctor if they aren’t already seeing a therapist and/or taking medication. Professional help is crucial to helping someone build long-term coping skills and feeling safe and stable. You could offer to call and make an appointment with them because sometimes phone calls can be hard. Ask if they take regular medication and if they feel like it’s working -- it takes 6-8 weeks for some psychiatric medications to take full effect, and they should contact their doctor if they get past that point and still don’t feel measurably better.
Don’t say things like “look on the bright side,” “you should try yoga/meditation,” as it can seem patronizing. And saying “I’m here if you need anything” is not always enough. Following up with the person you’re trying to help is so important. Check in with them often -- it can be as simple as texting them “how are you feeling today?” and offering companionship or solutions based on what they say. Even little things like helping someone with housework or bringing them a meal can help someone feel less overwhelmed.
Depression is a chronic illness. For some people, it never truly goes away; it just changes in intensity and impact. Everyone has the power to save a life. Sometimes offering solutions and solving problems can help, but don’t discredit the power of companionship and quality time to make someone feel better. Sometimes, the most effective solution you can provide is the knowledge that they do not walk alone in their struggles.
Sources Consulted:
