Zoom and Classroom Anxiety

By Rachel Reardon

I’ve struggled in small amounts with classroom anxiety my whole life. I remember in elementary school I would start crying if a teacher called on me for a question that I had no answer to. It’s a double slam for someone like me – I am a total perfectionist and strive to make the best grades possible. But, because of that perfectionism, I don’t like to raise my hand in class for fear of being wrong or being humiliated. I know it seems so insignificant to participate in class, but for me, it has always been such a struggle. And no matter how many times someone tells me to not care what other people think about me, to just be confident and be okay with being wrong, I still struggle to give my input. It affects a lot of areas of my life in which I am expected to participate in conversations for academic classes or meetings, but I get so anxious that none of my thoughts come together.

People think it’s weird when I tell them this. They tell me that I appear so confident, that I’m so smart, that I’m so involved in school. I don’t have a problem giving presentations in front of class, and I don’t get anxious about one-on-one conversations with teachers. But when I’m put in a setting with other people, I feel like everyone is judging me. I feel like what I have to say is not good enough. It’s a struggle that I face all the time, and even though it may seem small, it really does limit the extent to which I can feel confident in myself. If anyone else can relate to this, I would suggest pretending that you are the only person in the room and taking deep breaths before speaking. Try to say affirmations to yourself that you are powerful, that you are intelligent, that you are capable. 

Now I want to talk about the problem with Zoom. My classroom anxiety has increased immensely because of Zoom, and I’m not even in a physical classroom space! I have talked with other friends and they have said that being on Zoom actually helps them to engage more. Not me. Participating on Zoom is kind of the worst-case scenario for me. I remember last semester I had a class in which 30% of my grade was participation, and it was on Zoom. Every class, I prepared something I would say about my reading to be less nervous. But when it came time for us to share our thoughts, I was paralyzed. My palms were sweaty, my legs were shaking. I remember always listening to everyone else and thinking about how smart their points were, and how I would sound like a fool if I spoke up. I was so scared to literally press the unmute button or the raise hand icon. It didn’t help that I could see everyone else’s face while I was talking, including my own. 

Needless to say, I had to quite literally force myself to speak up in class. It was constant stress. I needed to get a good grade, but it was so hard for me to participate. Finally, I learned that I could hide my face from Zoom so I wouldn’t have to look at myself speak, and I pinned my professor’s screen so that I didn’t have to look at classmates’ faces. Over time, I didn’t have to do this as much as I became more comfortable. But it took me some time to feel okay in doing this.

I share this because I want you all to know that it’s okay to have big worries about little things. You do have the power to control them if you really set your mind to doing so. I know a lot of people have much worse problems than this, but I want you to know that any struggle you have is legitimate, and you owe yourself the time and space to try to find ways to overcome it. You can overcome your mind’s tricks on you, including Zoom and classroom anxiety!