The Benefits of Doubt
By Irene Koch
It’s safe to say none of us is the same person we were when we first entered college, and honestly, I’d be a bit concerned if we stayed the same. Whether we’ve adapted our political beliefs, shifted to new styles of dress, made new friends that may be completely different from our high school friends, and/or changed our career plans, college is a time of metamorphoses in more ways than one. Although many of these changes have been welcome ones (personally, I was getting really tired of skinny jeans, so the big comfy pants trend has been a godsend), the religious doubt and disbelief many colleges students experience may cause anxiety, both within ourselves and in our relationships with others.
Questioning one’s religious beliefs isn’t uncommon, especially among college students. So why does the process feel so uncomfortable or isolating? For those of us raised in a particular religious tradition, this tradition often shaped our identity. We were followers of certain god(s) which meant we abided by specified principles, believed what religious leaders told us to believe, and held certain ideas about the meaning of life on earth and life after death. Even if we still consider ourselves followers of the religion, the questioning process loosens our tether to this specific set of guidelines, and we’re left to figure out for ourselves who we are and what we believe instead of automatically deferring to religious authority. If we decide to break away from one or two principles or the religion altogether, tenets that we used to believe can still haunt us when we break them (hellooooooo Catholic guilt!). Compounded with the pressure we feel from religious communities in which we were raised to maintain the beliefs we learned as children, we exhaust ourselves trying to straddle several thin lines at a time. So how do we deal with this?
First of all, questioning and doubt are essential parts of religion, and it’s unreasonable to expect humans to believe 100% of a certain set of beliefs with 100% certainty 100% of the time. Even the most religious people out there have had doubts at one point or another, so instead of ignoring these questions and hoping they’ll go away, lean into them. The process of working through these doubts has two potential outcomes. We decide to stick with our beliefs, strengthened in the knowledge that we have a better understanding of why we believe what we believe instead of just taking them at face value. Alternatively, we decide to modify our beliefs, allowing us to be more honest with ourselves instead of repeating beliefs that don’t quite feel right when we say them.
If you’re feeling guilty about taking a step back from religion, remember that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I had a teacher years ago who lambasted those who picked and chose what they believed, and by her definition, you were either an all-in Catholic or a heathen unworthy of receiving the Eucharist. However, in conversations with many of my Catholic friends, I’ve realized most of us are “cafeteria Catholics,” not because we’re evil but because we’re human. There’s no way for imperfect people to rank who’s a better follower than others. Thus, if you realize one or two of the teachings of your particular faith tradition don’t reflect your beliefs, that doesn’t mean you’re any less than other followers or that you’re not allowed to call yourself a member of that religion.
It’s also important to remember that nearly every major religious creed believes that humans have free will to make decisions for themselves, and the thousands of religions worldwide imply there is a world outside the bubble of whatever religious tradition in which you were raised. You’re an autonomous being and do not need to define yourself in the terms of the one religion or one religious community in which you were raised. As scary as it can feel to journey into the unknown, you’re justified and encouraged to do it.
Wherever your faith journey takes you, rest assured in the knowledge that none of us have all the answers, and we’re all figuring things out just like you. Keep asking questions, stay true to yourself, and embrace the opportunity to emerge from this process with more thoughtful, conscious, and authentic beliefs.
