Speak Up, Change the Conversation: Sexual Violence in Our Culture
By Molly Carriero
Trigger Warning: topics of sexual violence discussed
The Villanova community recently received the unsettling news that six women have been victims of sexual assault on Villanova’s campus. Since then, many students have expressed frustration at the school’s administration, arguing that there is more to be done to prevent such acts of violence and to provide justice for the victims.
After attending the town hall meeting with Ryan Rost, Villanova’s Title IX coordinator, Father Peter, and other school administrators, I felt it was difficult to find full closure and justice. The school had followed their protocols. They were protecting the names of the victims. They were responding in the timely manner that they considered appropriate. They made it clear that sexual violence is not welcomed here on Villanova’s campus. From the point of view of formality, the situation was handled perfectly. But something in the conversation was missing.
As a society, we often think of rapists as deviants in our culture. They are bad people in a good society, right? But what if the issue of sexual violence stems from the fact that we as a society fail to look at the roots of such violence? What if we are living in a culture that tolerates rape, and what if have normalized it all?
Sexual violence is defined as stalking, sexual harassment/assault, unwanted touching, and rape. According to Rainn, “Among undergraduate students, 26.4% of females and 6.8% of males experience rape or sexual assault.” That is 1 in 4 women on a college campus. Just look at that statistic. Whether it happens to you, whether it happens to someone you care about, or whether it could happen to in the future to you or someone you care about, sexual assault affects all of us.
Statistically, perpetrators of sexual violence are overwhelmingly men. Many men become defensive upon hearing this, feeling blamed for the actions of a few. However, sexual violence has actually been framed as a woman’s issue throughout history. Women are told not to walk alone at night. Women are told, “Don’t wear that skirt, it exposes too much.” Women are told to not drink too much to avoid being taken advantage of. Sure, these words might be meant with good intention. But really listen to these words. We are sending the message to women that, “Hey, rape is going to happen, and it’s your job to deal with it.” As a culture, we need to stop looking for ways to deal with sexual violence, and we need to prevent it from happening to anyone.
We need to start looking at the roots of sexual violence. Could we be miseducated by rape culture? And is this culture so pervasive that we are numb to it? We see the objectification of women, or the subjugation of their intelligence, in ads and media. Yet most of us do not even flinch. Are these portrayals (and our acceptance of them) making it easier for men to treat women as objects? We see the rigid ways men are defined, limiting how they are able to think, feel, and behave, or not think, feel and behave. With such limited and toxic definitions of masculinity, is it possible that men feel they need to prove their manliness to the world or to themselves?
In his Ted Talk “Changing the conversation around sexual violence,” Keith Edwards talks about the process of “unlearning” we must undergo as a society. He believes the root issue of sexual violence is not bad apples in a good bunch, but that we are miseducated about what sex and hook-up culture really is. To explain this, Edward discusses the three steps to consent, affirmed consent, freely given consent, and informed consent. This is clear, unambiguous consent, every step of the way, and it is a consent that is most likely not clear in the presence of alcohol, regardless of what someone should say. Overall, Edwards argues that in our culture, we are often taught that if someone does not say anything, they didn’t say no, so just go for it. But here’s the thing, rape is defined as the absence of a clear, unambiguous yes.
As a community, we need to challenge the messages that perpetrate rape culture. Men need to challenge their own behaviors, but also those of other men. As bystanders, we need to have the confidence and the strength to intervene. We need to notice when someone is in a vulnerable position at a party, speak up when we hear sexist jokes, or stop the degrading story about a woman from some weekend hookup. As rates of sexual violence remain high on college campuses, we are reminded just how deeply damaged we are as a culture. Speaking up can feel awkward, but silence has dangerous consequences. What if you find out that someone was assaulted or raped because you felt staying quiet was playing it safe, and that “it wasn’t your place to intervene?” It’s time for us to speak up—it’s on all of us, Villanova.
