Control: Is it Serving You?
By Kaitlin Costarene
This week, I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite SoulCycle instructors, Maddy Ciccone, and read a chapter of a book called The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. Both of them shared the common thread of discussing how to distinguish between matters that are in our control and ones that are not. This left me with some thoughts of my own about how to react to situations (or parts of situations) that are out of my control. I was astonished at the number of examples that popped into my head of me wasting energy worrying about things that I simply have no say in. Focusing on what we can control rather than worrying about everything that is out of our control is a skill that many people seem to struggle with, myself included.
Let’s say, for example, that you’re supposed to run the New York Marathon, but the weather forecast for that weekend is rainy, windy, and unusually cold. You are human, so you cannot control the weather. Whether it ends up being rainy or sunny, warm or cold, you do not get to decide. You might want it to be warm and sunny with every fiber of your being, but that doesn’t mean it will be warm and sunny. That said, dwelling on how the weather will turn out the weekend of the marathon will not change what will actually happen, making it a waste of time and energy. Do not allow these thoughts to take up your headspace. No matter what you think about the forecast, you do not get to change it. Worrying about this will do the following: drain your energy levels, take you away from the present moment, and distract you from gratitude. However, there are also parts of this scenario that you can control: how hard you train, what you eat leading up to the race, how you prepare your mind and spirit, and the attitude you have going into such an exciting, yet challenging, event. If instead of centering your energy on something you cannot control (i.e. the weather), you center all of that energy on things you can control (i.e. how hard you train), you will likely be more prepared, and certainly more happy.
To take that a step further, I think it’s important to acknowledge that life happens in ways we don’t always like. And when everything feels out of your control and is overwhelming and seems to be going wrong, that is when you must surrender to whatever higher power you may believe in. I am a huge advocate of letting go of what feels like it is too much to bear and giving it up to a higher power, a higher source of energy. This may look different for all of us, but the principle of surrender remains the same. We are only human. And by letting go of the things we cannot control, no matter how badly we wish we could, we demonstrate faith, grace, and strength. When we entrust in a higher power to handle what we can’t, everything seems to fall into place. Whether or not it falls into the places you wanted it to, in hindsight it usually starts to make sense. The dots start to connect. You start to say to yourself, “Well if that didn’t happen to me, then that next cool thing would never have happened, and if that next cool thing didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be where I am now.”
Letting go of what is out of your control is a skill that requires practice and diligence. By solely focusing on the things that you can control, you will be more present in each moment and happier than if you ruminate on all the bad things that just might happen. Maybe start by evaluating what you’re giving your energy to, and whether or not it’s serving you. If not, let it go.
