All About the Grieving Process
By Lauren Brady
While most of my friends were itching to get back to school after winter break, I couldn’t feel more differently. My grandpa passed away the Thursday before classes started this semester, and while his illness wasn’t new to the family, it was the shock of him collapsing to the floor that took us all by surprise. So, along with the stress of starting a new semester, I had to bury someone so close to me that Monday and find a way to bring it all together for class the next day. The first week of classes, for me, was a complete blur and confusion of emotions as I wanted to be excited to see my friends but simply didn’t have the energy to. My process was, and still is, significantly similar to the University of California Berkeley’s understanding of grief, and I hope those who are confronted with such a difficult time in their lives find solace and understand that the most important thing to do is to take care of themselves above all.
Shock/Disbelief
This is most apparent after hearing the news about the death and can manifest itself in many ways. I was physically shaken up and had trouble breathing for a few hours after I was informed. I also could not process the information well, as I knew that my grandpa usually bounced back from his various episodes at the hospital.
Anger
Like the feelings of disbelief, anger can also be directed at various components of one’s life. I was angry at myself for not visiting my grandpa enough that week and for not calling him to see how he was doing. Others can feel angry at other family members for not doing their part in taking care of the loved one, God, doctors responsible for the treatment, and at the loved one for “leaving” the family.
Guilt
While this stage did not affect me as much as the others did, feelings of guilt are usually rooted in the relationship you had with the deceased and what was or was not done. For example, family members can regret not playing an active role in their loved one’s life or not doing enough to care for them during their last days.
Sadness
Once the above feelings have settled in, this stage involves an abundance of tears and an overwhelming feeling of loss. This lasted for hours at a time during the first few days and continued in small bits when I returned to school. I only felt comfortable expressing this emotion around certain people, so being separated from my family at school was not much help during this time.
Fear
I was most worried about my grandma being alone in the house after 64 years of marriage and couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling. Prayers and moments of contemplation helped me manage my emotions surrounding this, but I felt comfort knowing that the rest of my family would be there for support.
Depression
These waves of melancholy were most apparent while I was at school, and I found it extremely difficult to do tasks that I otherwise enjoyed doing at the start of a new semester, like organizing my room, going grocery shopping, and seeing friends in my new classes. I lost my appetite at periods and experienced a fluctuation in my body weight that I tried to manage by snacking throughout the day and eating smaller meals. I became forgetful and uninterested in what was happening on campus. These symptoms have lessened as time has passed, but they are often unpredictable and can be difficult to manage in certain circumstances.
Villanova’s Counseling Center in Room 206 of the Health Services Building is a resource to take advantage of during the grieving process. Appointments are free to students and can be made in person or over the phone at 610-519-4050. It is important to remember to rely on your networks in times of need: friends, resources on campus, family. Be sure to take time for yourself because your emotional and mental health take priority to other responsibilities. Go for a walk. Rest. Listen to music. Do whatever it is that will improve your well-being during this time.