How to Help a Friend Struggling with Mental Health
By Julia Howe
When a friend reveals to you that they are going through a rough patch in life, it can be a really scary experience for a multitude of reasons. Someone you love is feeling sad, anxious, or anything in between, and you feel like there is nothing you can do to help them. Throughout my teenage years, the emotions of high school, the changes in college, and general growing up have taught me many helpful tips on how to be a good friend to someone struggling with their mental health. These are some of the things I have learned.
1. Anxiety and depression are different for everyone.
It is so important to listen to your friend to understand what they need from you. Just because you know what you need when feeling down, that does not mean it will be the same for them. Some people just like to know you are there for them, while others like to talk things through. It may be hard to know what is right for your friend, so the easiest thing to do is ask them. If you are direct and plainly ask them the best way that you can help them through this time, you can skip the hardship and stress of trying to figure it out yourself.
2. There is a difference between empathizing with someone and making the situation about you.
Many people suffer with their mental health, so if you are one of these people, it makes understanding a friend much easier. This allows you to comprehend almost exactly how they feel. So, when listening to them explain their situation, it is important to let them know they are not alone. But do not make the conversation all about you. This is their time to explain their situation, and you could easily make them feel belittled or not heard if you start to change the subject and make it about you instead.
3. Be an active listener.
One of the most important things about listening to someone talk about their mental health is to make sure they know they are being heard. Reassure them and empathize. It is really hard to tell someone you need help, so make them feel safe and show you care. Eye contact and a simple nod of understanding can go a long way while listening.
4. Checking in is important, but sometimes space is needed too.
A simple call or text can let a friend struggling with mental health know they have a support system. But for me, sometimes a friend who texts or calls to check in too much can stress me out. This is different for everyone, but personally I know I need my space sometimes. This is where communication comes in again. Let them know you are there, but do not pester them if they just need a day to themselves.
5. Remember that you are not a doctor.
If a friend is really struggling with their mental health, they might lean on you for support that you just can’t give to them. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t fix all their problems, because there are licensed therapists and doctors that know how to help in the best ways. If you feel your support is not enough, bring up the idea of seeing a professional to your friend. Let your friend know you are happy to support them, but you cannot give them the help that a doctor or therapist can.
6. Do not let it change your relationship.
There is nothing worse than feeling like someone is walking on eggshells around you, especially a good friend. You are allowed to talk to your friend like you used to and have fun with them. They still want to be your friend and have the same relationship you had before they confided in you about their mental health. While still being supportive and serious when it’s called for, the whole dynamic of your friendship does not have to change.
