It's Okay to Break Up
By Molly Dalton
In dating and relationships, there is a common message that I don't think we talk about enough in a culture dominated by hooking up and non-exclusivity. As humans, we are social beings and feel the need to be connected to others. It’s always exciting to start new relationships with someone when there is a mutual connection and attraction, waiting to see what direction the relationship might take.
Before beginning a relationship, it’s important to establish where your personal expectations and beliefs lie. It's also even more important to remember that it is totally normal and okay if things do not work out. More often than not, we like to hold on to people who are not best suited for us. This could be out of loneliness, or feeling like we draw a sense of worth from being with someone. In this situation, it's important to know when it's time to say goodbye and move on. I’ve included a set of suggestions to identify and come to peace with the fact that who you’re seeing may not be “your person.”
You are not as happy in the relationship as you were before the relationship. We live in a society where we are told to place the needs of others before ourselves. Although this is important, we also need to prioritize our happiness and reflect on when we are not our happiest selves. If this is the case, we need to be able to identify what is preventing us from feeling fulfilled and adjust accordingly.
You have a different set of core values and beliefs. I believe that opposites can attract and that people who have different interests and personalities can add positive contributions to a relationship. However, when it boils down to your core set of values and beliefs, it's important to align with your partner on issues that truly matter to you and to not change who you are for someone else.
Your needs are not being met. Everyone brings a different set of unique characteristics to a relationship, and everyone has unique needs or wants. It is important to prioritize your needs in your relationships. Knowing your love language can be helpful. You can feel love from other people through words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, or quality time. Whatever your needs are in your relationships, if those baseline needs are not being met, it might be time to reevaluate.
The relationship has taken an unhealthy turn. Unhealthy relationships can be very hard to identify or notice when you are in one. Before starting a relationship, it’s important to identify behavior or actions that are unacceptable and would constitute an unhealthy relationship. This could include but is not limited to: the need to be in constant communication with the other person through texting or calling, trying to control or manipulate the actions of your partner through their dress choices, plans, or wants/desires, jealousy, isolating you from family or friends, belittling in the form or rude words or remarks, and making you feel guilty or feeling as if you have to change for that person. These are all warnings that could indicate signs of an unhealthy relationship. Do not be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or counseling services for support as it can be very hard to go through this alone.
Although we can draw many positive things from romantic relationships, the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. So, do not be afraid to end a relationship that is no longer serving you or helping you grow as a person. Finding the right person should not allow us to compromise our happiness, beliefs, and needs, but instead it should allow us to make strong and healthy connections with others.
