Befriending Your Parents

By Kaitin Costarene

It’s 2012, and your mom is picking you up from a middle school house party with her windows rolled down in her Honda Pilot, saying hi to all of your friends as they walk by. You are horrified at the idea of your mom being in such close proximity to everyone you know from school, so you hop into the car as quickly as possible and tell her to drive, hoping that no one saw you leave with her. 

At some point in our lives, a scenario along these lines was the reality for many of us. But there comes a time when you realize that your parents are not your enemies. This time is usually not in middle school, and probably not in high school either. Eventually, you might realize that your parents are on your team. They are your caretakers, your support, and your friends. I recently discovered this for myself. During my freshman year of college, I discovered that my mom was no longer just my mom. She also became my confidante, my advisor, and, in fact, my friend. I loved my mom and sought guidance from her before college, but she then became someone I wanted to hang out with, too. The more I found myself missing her (and my dad, of course) the more I wanted to confide in her about my personal life. 

Throughout freshman year, my mom learned about my personal life and all that it entailed. I didn’t share every detail with her, but she became less of a strict, parental figure and more of a friend, someone who I could relate to and talk to about basically everything. I found that I was able to open up to her when I was struggling, and I am so happy that I did. She showered me with support and advice, and brought a sense of comfort in a way that I could not find from anyone else.

When you start to consider your own relationship with your parents, try to think of them in a new context. This may be difficult at first because you’ve only known them as parents, but befriending them (or at least making the effort) is a great way to break down the barriers that may exist between you and them. To do this, remember that your parents were once young. Most of them went to college and probably had many experiences similar to your own. Remember that they are older and wiser than you, so their advice is probably of high quality in situations that you wouldn’t expect. And lastly, remember that they only want the best for you. Your parents will rarely spoil your secrets or judge you. 

All in all, becoming friends with your parents will likely improve your relationship with them. Once you get to know them in this context a little better, you might find that you actually enjoy hanging out with them.